STEP 1

WE admit that we our powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable.

Easy to comprehend but complicated to implement, Step One is most easily understood in anecdotes and here is my favorite:

There is a boxer who has fought and LOST 99 fights. Before entering the ring for his 100th fight, he turns to his trainer and asks "How do I not lose this time?" The trainer responds by saying, "Don't get in the ring."

How do we understand this anecdote?

The fighter is you, my fair friend, beaten down by a relationship that was never worth a damn in the first place but still swinging in the name of pride, or "love" or something like it.

The trainer is our 12 step program, which grounds us.

Finally, the advice "dont get in the ring" is pretty straightforward. STOP FIGHTING. Stop picking up the phone, stop "making your point," stop fooling yourself into thinking you can make someone love you. If you fight, YOU WILL LOSE, like always.

Have some respect for yourself and accept that your are powerless. Accepting this "defeat" will be the most empowering thing you've ever done for yourself. If you're doing it right, it should take a while to convince yourself.

MORE CONVERSATION ON WORKING THIS STEP TO COME.