Telling on your addict

I've amassed a shit ton of addiction books and my personal book collection is starting to resemble the recovery stacks at my local library. Sometimes I just run my grippers over the binds and let them settle where they may. I open the chosen book and always find an applicable tip. Not all my books are addiction self help, some are memoirs or biographies and today I landed on "Dry," Augusten Burroughs' tortured but humorous account of his struggle with the bottle. I found (on page 71) a technique that may be helpful. During this passage, the author describes being confronted by the facilitator of his 12 step group.

"I tell her about the bottles. And how because of them, I never invite anyone over to my apartment....I feel a pang of sadness, and its actually for myself. Why would somebody live that way? I also feel like I have broken a confidence. So this is what I say: 'Its funny, but admitting this out loud, I feel really strange, like I'm saying something I shouldnt.' 'Exactly,' (she says) what you are doing is telling on your addict. You need to visualize your own internal addict. Think of it as a separate being that lives inside of you and it wants nothing more than for you do to drink....Your addict wants you all to itself. So when you talk about the bottles, or any other consequence of drinking, you are in effect, telling on your addict."

I'm sure we've all heard the saying, "you're only as sick as your secrets" and I think that's what they're getting at here. Identifying your addict or addictive behaviors--the shameful stuff that you're embarrassed to tell others--and admitting them aloud minimizes the power of these secrets. It also helps you get at what you're masking in order to indulge in this shameful addict behavior.

Here is mine: I break into his email account. I get a twisted thrill from reading his correspondence with inadequate, eager, love seeking women. I do this because the day bores me and now that I have told on my addict, I'll have to find excitement elsewhere. Telling you my secrets, becoming vulnerable and letting others judge me holds me accountable.

So, what shameful secrets can you share here? Does sharing them bring you any awareness about the reasons you indulge?

The focus of our thoughts

In all my new age reading journeys, there exists one consistent theme:
You attract whatever you give most attention to. (See The Secret by Rhonda Byrne)

According to the statement above, thinking about our doc and all the ways in which he/she has destroyed our sense of self serves no positive purpose. Giving attention, energy and thought to this negativity will only attract more negativity and more addictive cycles into our lives.

The focus of our thoughts should be abstention and the other interests that will fill our time as we work through and exterminate our addictive behaviors.

Easier said than done! I know. To succeed in this advice, I like to employ a little technique I call "hijacking" my thoughts. Naturally, your mind is going to wander back to your ex, or to how good that loving high feels but that does not mean your mind needs to dwell there. Bring it back. Bring it back to reality and back to reliable and safe relationships and sources of satisfaction (friends, yoga, writing, singing, art..etc). These things should be the focus of our thoughts. These things will sustain you.

Don't stress if you haven't yet discovered other sources of satisfaction. The destruction of self and independent interests is just another symptom of addiction. We'll work on rediscovering our selves and our interests in future posts.

Just remember: If your mind wanders one million times, simply bring it back, one million times.